Its 'NO' Crime

There are two types of people in this world. Those who can say 'No' and those who can't say 'No'.

Have you unwillingly attended parties on many occasions? Have you obliged people by accompanying them on outings when you just wanted to sit back and relax? Have you been part of groups you thought you shouldn't be? Have you helped people when you just didn't want to? Have you forced yourself on long unwanted talks over phone? Have you struggled to manage your time in order to accommodate people or activities without your heart in it? If the answer to many of these is 'Yes' for you then you are welcome to the second category of people who can't say No.

Sometimes it is Okay to comply because life is very complicated and there are many reasons that make you behave in a certain way. You don't want to upset your Boss and you definitely don't want to upset your mother-in-law. However, what is it that makes us kill our own desires and say yes to others when it can be avoided. I think it is some sort of a ‘Fear’ that makes say Yes when we were suppose to say No.

I believe that lot of our actions are driven by fear. There is love and hate and apathy as well.  This whole thing about fear is very fascinating and debatable and I'll discuss that some other time. I think one of the biggest fear for many is the fear of loneliness. What if I say No this time and he/she never includes me in other plans in future. What if it is important to that person and if I decline the offer, I lose the relationship.  In addition, there is a fear of social exclusion. You don't want to be seen as person who always says No. You want to be part of certain groups, which you don't feel 100% comfortable in but well, you still want to be part of them so you comply. Then there is undying need to please others. Even though you know declining won't really affect your social status in any way, all the goodness in the world comes rushing to you at that time and you can't say No.

So, what do you do about it? Randomly start saying No to people just to overcome this weakness. Not wise enough, right? It can't be long lasting and won't address the problem at roots. Overcoming the fear of losing that something is what you have to do here. I think setting priorities can be a way out. You have to set it out very clear what is the most important thing for you when you are faced with this situation. Is being alone and relaxing more important than watching a movie you never wanted to watch? Is spending time with your parents more important than attending a friend's party? Is relationship worth sacrificing your happiness? It won't happen in most likelihood, but if you do lose a relationship, was it worth holding on to? Why do you forget, people have said No to you on various occasions but you have still stood by them and now it's their turn.

You need to place yourself, your family, your closest friends, your other friends, your colleagues, your acquaintances on the scale of importance. No doubt that situation plays the devil sometimes and you might have to change your priorities a bit but those are rare occasions. The relationships, which always deserve a ‘Yes’ for an answer, are very few, you can count them on your fingers. You figure in that list of a few people and you have to make such a list of your own as well. You might think otherwise but world doesn't come to an end for a person if you say No. In fact, most of the times people wouldn't even think about it and take very sportingly. It’s just you who kill yourself over taking that call.

Next time you don't feel like it, say No. Its No crime.

Our Good Friends Smileys :)

I have been struggling lately for trying hard not to use smileys in my posts. I thought my posts would look like Facebook updates if they were studded with smileys. But its not been easy :O . Oh! that temptation to put ' :P' or ' ;) ' every time I am trying to be funny . But with a heavy heart I decided , if I want to be taken seriously then I can't put smileys in posts ;). Thankfully this post is going to be an exception :).


Smileys have lent a whole new meaning to our conversations on Chats and SMS. They have made our lives simpler in many ways. It has become easier for us to convey emotions in this world where more talks happen on messages than ever before. Make ' :P ' and they know you are joking. Make ' x(' and you are angry. Make ' :O' and you are amazed or shocked. Make ' :) ' when you can't think of anything else. Thankfully ' :) ' has replaced 'K' for ending the conversations.


They have literally lent new meaning to our conversations. Like you could tell someone " You look so stupid in this picture :p :p" and its taken so sportingly and everyone forgets it as a joke or something. Imagine this in times devoid of smileys. You are chatting with someone and the person on other side tells you "You look so stupid in this pic" and that would be the beginning of a long duel if not the end of your friendship. You can do some serious talk and then put ' ;)' or 'B) ' if you think it got a bit too far. If you are a person who doesn't like to type a lot and really care to be cordial with person on other side, then smileys are your savior. Just 1-2 smileys in between keeps the conversation going . All in all, these smileys come very handy if you know the right smileys for the right time and right place B-).


It looks like there is some sort of competition among developers for who can provide better and greater smileys. And why not, if everything equals out, its on the basis of smileys that people decide which site or chat they would go with.  Smileys have come a long way. It all started with just the symbols on your keyboard/keypad to the simple yellow round faces for a few emotions to the most advanced animated smileys for the emotions you've never even experienced. On one chat application, there are almost 4-5 types of smileys just for one emotion of being sad. And you are left wondering which type of sad you are before you can express your sadness.  Nevertheless, the creativity they put in the emoticons is commendable.


So emoticons have become a part of all our lives. But I wonder what do we do in such situations when we are not in the virtual world, but face to face with the real people. I don't remember making faces like ':P' or ';)' or carrying shades all around to do 'B)' this. It's probably the tone of speaking or the body language that conveys the message. Thanks to smileys we have become very proficient at conveying our emotions on chat but are we at loss of gestures/words/ways when we have to face people and convey the same emotions? Its so easy to make a ' :) ' even when you hate to do it to but can you really smile when you are facing people?  But then, not many people with whom we chat do we actually meet up often. So emoticons are here to stay with us forever. Or who knows :)


Keep emoting :) :)

Another Perspective

How much fun we used to make of our professor who used to ask questions in class and for every answer (even for the most random ones) by students he used to feel happy and say "Yes sir/ma'am, that's a new perspective". What started as fun, is now something that I look at to change lot problems in the world.

There is no black and white. As a matter of fact, there cannot be any black and white considering the population of this country alone is over 100 crore with as many minds and hearts. There are nationalities and religions, castes and sub-castes, cultures and sub cultures, social atmosphere and upbringing, peer group and every person has a unique combination each of the above. And then there is your birthday to make you a scorpion or a cancarean and so on. It wouldn't be wise to expect any two people  to feel, think and act alike.  If it was so, the world would have been a very different place (perhaps boring)- far better or far worse.

 In a recent movie called "Paan Singh Tomar", a famous dialogue by protagonist goes " Beehad mein ‘Baaghi’ hote hain, ‘Dacait’ milte hain parliament mein!". Quite a perspective, isn't it!  After watching the movie most people were seen sympathizing with the  "Dacait" because they knew his side of story. But unfortunately its not possible for us to know every time every person's side of story. So the least we can do is give other people a benefit of doubt. Try not to brand them as good or bad. 


My heart and my mind get into conflict on so many occasions. Heart says take a leap and mind says wait for the right time,your are still not ready for it. Who is right and who is wrong? Don't know. My own heart and mind cannot come to consensus. Then how do I expect my heart to be in tune with your mind and your heart and my mind with your heart and mind and with that of my friends and family and boss and colleagues and relatives and house maid and so on ....Getting complicated huh!! 


All said and done it's not the easiest thing to do. If you ask me, it can be the toughest thing you have ever tried to do. That is to respect different perspectives. There is ego and then there is ignorance and there is feeling of superiority to not let  you appreciate the differences. Like this one time I had debate with my friend on Supernatural forces. I was against the belief that they exist (I still am!) and she was a believer. She cited various 'real life' examples but none of us could appreciate others perspective to the slightest. I think it was our ego this time (or probably her ignorance). 

All of us who have loved F.R.I.E.N.D.S cannot forget the whole thing about "We are on a break"  What if Rachel would have understood Ross side , FRIENDS would have never been the same again. So probably it's not such a bad idea to not to understand others perspective sometimes or at least see others argue over their differences and have some fun!!

Sweet pain of nostalgia

I have been thinking about writing this blog for a long time now and today as I write my first post, nothing couldn't be more apt than talking about memories. I recently attended my last convocation for post graduation and lived my last time as a student (some would argue that one can never stop being a student but that is a part of another discussion).
What not are we capable of getting attached to. No wonder we want to hold on to certain people who were part of that phase which is over now. Not only have they been with you in your times- good or bad but as you leave you realize how much you have learned and unlearned with them and from them. But to your surprise you become attached to the things you considered insignificant till then. Like the corner grocery shop which you visited once in a fortnight and didn't give much thought. Or the lanes of the nearby market which you cussed regularly for being too narrow. Or the stairs to your room on 3rd floor which you had to climb some 5 times a day. Not to mention considerably more important things like your room, or place where you consumed meals 5 times a day (no exaggeration, We humans tend to overeat) , your garden etc.
And when its time to leave it all, everything rebuilds in front of you eyes. You don't want to leave any of it. You try to hold on to time. But thankfully God has given us enough mental strength to get over the initial shock of leaving something behind and move ahead with life. So you move ahead, treasuring every moment and trying to capture as many of them as possible (With digital camera you find yourself posing so much that your jaw is aching at the end of the day).
So what if you have moved ahead to a new place with new people and new corner grocery shop, you grab every opportunity to go back. Kishore Kumar , the legendary singer was from Khandwa. In spite of being living in city of dreams and being at the apostle, he expressed his desire to go back to Khandwa innumerable number of times. He so longed for it. The places where you have spent your childhood have a way of calling you back. One of my aunts had spent her childhood in Haridwar. We had the opportunity to go on a trip to Haridwar with them. And i have never seen her happier than she was when we visited her school and old home. She went on for 2-3 hours taking us form one classroom to another and telling us her childhood stories. Luckily for her, Most of her school and old home still looked the same.
Your perfect memory shatters when you visit the place of your memories and find that a lot has changed. Surprisingly, physical appearance matters a lot. When the place which you had left has been renovated into something else or is in shatters, you get a shock. You are not able to place your memories at right places. You are not able to say " Oh, this is where i used to sit with my friends and talk to for hours". And then reality creeps in. And howsoever it hurts, you stop reminiscing about it.
And as they say, Life moves on.