Its 'NO' Crime

There are two types of people in this world. Those who can say 'No' and those who can't say 'No'.

Have you unwillingly attended parties on many occasions? Have you obliged people by accompanying them on outings when you just wanted to sit back and relax? Have you been part of groups you thought you shouldn't be? Have you helped people when you just didn't want to? Have you forced yourself on long unwanted talks over phone? Have you struggled to manage your time in order to accommodate people or activities without your heart in it? If the answer to many of these is 'Yes' for you then you are welcome to the second category of people who can't say No.

Sometimes it is Okay to comply because life is very complicated and there are many reasons that make you behave in a certain way. You don't want to upset your Boss and you definitely don't want to upset your mother-in-law. However, what is it that makes us kill our own desires and say yes to others when it can be avoided. I think it is some sort of a ‘Fear’ that makes say Yes when we were suppose to say No.

I believe that lot of our actions are driven by fear. There is love and hate and apathy as well.  This whole thing about fear is very fascinating and debatable and I'll discuss that some other time. I think one of the biggest fear for many is the fear of loneliness. What if I say No this time and he/she never includes me in other plans in future. What if it is important to that person and if I decline the offer, I lose the relationship.  In addition, there is a fear of social exclusion. You don't want to be seen as person who always says No. You want to be part of certain groups, which you don't feel 100% comfortable in but well, you still want to be part of them so you comply. Then there is undying need to please others. Even though you know declining won't really affect your social status in any way, all the goodness in the world comes rushing to you at that time and you can't say No.

So, what do you do about it? Randomly start saying No to people just to overcome this weakness. Not wise enough, right? It can't be long lasting and won't address the problem at roots. Overcoming the fear of losing that something is what you have to do here. I think setting priorities can be a way out. You have to set it out very clear what is the most important thing for you when you are faced with this situation. Is being alone and relaxing more important than watching a movie you never wanted to watch? Is spending time with your parents more important than attending a friend's party? Is relationship worth sacrificing your happiness? It won't happen in most likelihood, but if you do lose a relationship, was it worth holding on to? Why do you forget, people have said No to you on various occasions but you have still stood by them and now it's their turn.

You need to place yourself, your family, your closest friends, your other friends, your colleagues, your acquaintances on the scale of importance. No doubt that situation plays the devil sometimes and you might have to change your priorities a bit but those are rare occasions. The relationships, which always deserve a ‘Yes’ for an answer, are very few, you can count them on your fingers. You figure in that list of a few people and you have to make such a list of your own as well. You might think otherwise but world doesn't come to an end for a person if you say No. In fact, most of the times people wouldn't even think about it and take very sportingly. It’s just you who kill yourself over taking that call.

Next time you don't feel like it, say No. Its No crime.